That time I broke a promise for over a month… (The Phantom of the Dopamine)

You might recall that I promised you, reader, and myself that I would write a blog post every single day. Well, we all knew that was a bit of B.S. Actually more than a bit. It was about 40 days of bullshit. 40 days! How biblical. To continue the Noah’s arc parallel, allow me toContinue reading “That time I broke a promise for over a month… (The Phantom of the Dopamine)”

My First Love, Michael Ball. Bonus Story!

While researching my first love/embarrassing Michael Ball obsession exposé, I came across this treasure. Big shout out to one fabulous plot generator! Plug in some names plus a few randomized nouns and adjectives, and you get a gut-bustingly funny document. This truly beautiful short story was created in December of 2015. Enjoy! Brave Ashley —Continue reading “My First Love, Michael Ball. Bonus Story!”

My first love? Michael Ball.

Yep, you read that title right. Ladies and gentlemen, I am ready to be humiliated. I bear myself before you as I admit this hilarious, adorable, strangely tender truth: My actual first love was Michael Ball. For the purpose of this article, we’ll disregard fictional first loves, of which I’ve had many. (Mr. Darcy, ClaytonContinue reading “My first love? Michael Ball.”

Throw-down Throwback: My Savage Susan Wiggs Review

I don’t feel like writing tonight. But I am posting something! So my promise has been kept. Back in 2017, I was still reading romance novels. (My bitter bitch faze didn’t begin until 2018.) At the recommendation of a friend, I read The Hostage by Susan Wiggs. The Hostage is about a recently molested ChicagoContinue reading “Throw-down Throwback: My Savage Susan Wiggs Review”

Jobs are like men. I get the wrong ones.

I’m only here because I promised myself I would post every day. And that means I have to log on. What? Is that not what you wanted to hear? Sorry, sorry. I’m starting a new job tomorrow – I mean *glances at invisible watch* today. It’s minimum wage, barely any hours, but will be meaningful.Continue reading “Jobs are like men. I get the wrong ones.”

“Unsent message to my Ex, who doesn’t want eyes on his paper”

It’s 2am. Let’s strive to find a bit of poetry in this “Message to my Ex,” one that I coined this evening in the notes on my phone. I’ll never send it. I’d much rather show it to you. So, the following is a copy-and-paste-poem with selections from my unsent message. Perhaps someone out thereContinue reading ““Unsent message to my Ex, who doesn’t want eyes on his paper””

I paid 48 dollars! (Why we’re all here.)

Well, the bullet has been bitten. I have spent $48 dollars so that I may have a pretty little sight domain, no unsightly “.wordpress” anywhere in sight! This is, perhaps, a sign that I actually want to brand myself, and that there is still a fire within me… A small, but quite attractive, purple flameContinue reading “I paid 48 dollars! (Why we’re all here.)”

“The Man and the Red Light”

Written two years ago in Intro to Creative Writing. I was asked to write about one brief moment in time, elongated by mental narration. Getting off work late one night, I sat waiting at the red light and this perverse little piece was born. Enjoy. “The Man and the Red Light” by Ash Valente GuyContinue reading ““The Man and the Red Light””

“Wedding Vows”

This story was inspired by a writing prompt: “Two people remember the same memory very differently”… Or something along those lines. I think I took the prompt a bit further than intended, but I don’t think that’s a bad thing at all. What memory have my characters confused? Their wedding day. “Wedding Vows” by AshContinue reading ““Wedding Vows””

“A Novel Deposition”

Written as I reflected on the disaster that is my minimalistic love life. I thought to myself, why did I read all that romance? I screwed myself up in the head. I was too easily drawn into what you might term ‘consent’. But what is consent when men use persuasion to attain it? Who’s toContinue reading ““A Novel Deposition””